i_realized_that....

First day of the year. I am looking for a great 2012. It’s another chance for new beginnings. Everybody wants to be happy and contented. I am no exception. All my life I just want to be happy. I want to live each day as if there’s no tomorrow. I love loving the people I love, loving the things I do, loving life as I know it. But maybe happiness, like any other things, is not constant. You’re happy today, you’re sad tomorrow. That’s just the way it is. You can’t be happy everyday. I don’t understand it actually. I mean it is always a choice to be happy. You can be happy whenever you want. But well it is easier said than done. Truth is, there are things in this world that you can’t control no matter how hard you try to control them. Like People. Feelings. Events. The weather. Yeah, we’re no God to control the weather. I wanna be God sometimes. I wonder how it feels like to control all things the way you want them to be. I don’t wanna be a person anymore. I hate the fact that I can’t control my feelings. I am so fragile that sometimes even I can’t take good care of myself. Well maybe nobody can. If I, myself, can’t take care of me how much more other people can. People disappoint me everyday, for a lot of different reasons. Or maybe I’m no good enough to be loved the way I wanted? I don’t know. I’m tired of seeking comfort from other people. This year, I want to take care of myself the way I wanted people to treat me. I may not able to depend on them but I am able to depend on myself. Funny how pitiful I sound but it’s still a relief to know that I still can depend on me. So I’ll be wearing my armor now, be stronger than I was, be more independent, and I’ll be wiser now. This is not the year of the weak. This is a year for people who can take care of themselves without shedding a lot of wasteful tears. Cheers for 2012!